DBNN – DRUNKEN BASTARD NEWS NETWORK
(Hollywood, CA) – Self proclaimed greatest actor in the world and “Valley Girl” co-star Nicholas Cage stated that he would be staring in the upcoming BB King Biopic entitled “Lucille” as the legendary bluesman.
“I feel a certain kinship with B.B. you see, he was born from a poor share cropper family in the Deep South to fight against all odds to become one of, if not the greatest entertainers of all time, and I grew up in Beverly Hills struggling to become an actor until my uncle got me a job. It’s our struggle that binds us”.
When asked what preparation he was doing for the part Cage said, “Minimal, you see an actor of my caliber doesn’t need much. I just got through watching the documentary “Tropic Thunder” with that guy what’s his name… oh yeah, Morton Downey Jr. doing what I can only refer to in the loosest since of the word acting as war hero Lincoln Osiris. I mean really his performance was almost comical, and where he used makeup and wigs to get into character, I will use no such crutch.”
When asked how, Cage proclaimed, “By acting of course. If you recall in the blockbuster epic known as “Ghost Rider”, when I became “Ghost Rider”, I became that character without any makeup what so ever, and I was able to convince everybody that I was a flaming skeleton that rode a motorcycle”.
When told that “Ghost Rider” was CGI , Cage screamed “Fuck You!!!” and slammed the phone in this reporter’s ear.
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