DBNN – Drunken Bastard News Network

(Vatican City) – Pope Benedict XVI in a speech he made last Tuesday made the following statement “With John Paul II, we officially apologized for The Inquisition, Nazi Germany, and The Crusades. And while those apologies were most sincere, The Holy Roman Church thinks it’s time for reciprocation.”

“Now, more than ever, we the Catholic Church, and The World needs Metallica to officially apologize for St. Anger. It’s been far too long and they can’t expect us to just forget about it. The wounds run too deep.”

The Pope also stated “I implore James, Kirk, Lars, and New Guy to look into their hearts and let’s start the healing process … it’s the right thing to do.”

After hearing The Pope’s speech Lars Ulrich had this to say “I stand behind our album and I think it’s one of the greatest albums ever made; just who does he think he is?”

“I’m The Fuckin’ Pope that’s who I am.” Retorted his Holiness. “Look Lars stop being a putz and all of you just apologize. Ok? We need closure for Christ’s Sake.”

(Benedict XVI will be as the Sith Lord in the next Star Wars movie “The Raping of the Fans”)

Think this rocks? Check out this:

1. Big Four: Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Anthrax to Perform Together The rumors have been floating around for a while and...
2. DBNN Twat Weekly Updates for 2009-09-13 Guitar Hero 5 Kurt Cobain Playable Charater Holds Out...
3. DBNN Twat Weekly Updates for 2009-09-20 Kanye West Jumps On Stage at Nobel Peace Prize...
4. Flaming Lips Covers Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon (Review) One of the greatest albums of all time, Dark Side...
5. David Gray – Draw the Line – Review (Album/CD) David Gray has been around for awhile to put it...