Drunken Bastard Mis-Adventures: The Little Blue Pill
“There’s a monster in my pants and it does a naughty dance”
Hi. How’s it goin’?
Me? Well glad you asked.
Went over to my friend Donnie’s house a coupla weeks ago (to catch up with what’s been goin’ on in his neck o the woods.) and in the commencement of small talk my friend got an evil lil’ grin across his face and asked.
“Guess what I got?”
Knowing Donnie like I do there was no telling what he had.
“Syphilis?” I answered.
“No Fuck-Wad… it’s a lil’ blue pill.”
Now good readers I’m not up on prescription medicine so I had no idea what he was talking about.
“I got some Viagra.” He answered.
Now, Donnie is younger than me and this came as a shock that he would need the stuff.
“Damn… sorry man… I didn’t know you were havein’ problems downstairs.”
I told him with the utmost concern.
“No man… I don’t, but Kenny gave me some and I was goin’ to see if they worked or not; think of it as a scientific experiment.” my friend was telling me.
“Well? Did it work?” I asked him.
“Yeah kinda… I couldn’t tell much difference, but I think it did.” He said soundin a lil’ unsure.
“Well that’s good.” I said.
Then after an uncomfortable silence Donnie said.
“You want to try one?”
I’m not one for drug experimentation but remembering that my girlfriend at the time was feelin a lil’ amorous when I left her an hour ago. I made my decision.
“Yeah sure… an eight hour hard on is an eight hour hard on.”
So Donnie gave me the lil’ blue pill and with the mannerisms of a neighborhood pharmacist he said “Okay… you’ll need to wait about 40 minutes before you engage in sexual activity… be careful not to get up to fast or it’ll make you dizzy… and for this experiment to work; you can’t tell her anything about it.”
“Uh… Okay.” I said; I was actually thinking “Damn… what did I get myself into.”
What some people will do in the name of science.
Anyway, I went home and got myself a shower and proceeded to the love chamber and sure enough I was sportin’ some north Georgia pine, and crawled in bed with my lovely lady and as I snuggled up to her she say’s “My stomach is crampin’… can we do it tomorrow instead?”
Panic sets in. “No… we can’t… we gotta do it right now.” I said almost hysterically.
“I’m afraid I can’t tonight.” she answered back, “I promise you … tomorrow night.”
“But you don’t understand… we got to do it tonight.” I said almost to the point of beggin’.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she said more than a lil’ annoyed.
Okay… time to fess up. “I took some Viagra.” I said embarrassedly.
“Why… you don’t need it?.” She said.
“I know I don’t need it but the opportunity came up, so to speak, and I figured what the hell, I mean it ain’t like I’m doin’ Blotter Acid or anything like that.”
“Well… did it work?” she asked.
“You tell me,” I said and thinking ,”Good I got her curiosity peaked.”
“Yeah, it seems to work,” she said. “Well… goodnight.”
And I was shut down. She rolled over onto her stomach and I thought, “Damn … wish I could do that.” But unfortunately I had to sleep on my back because when I tried to roll over my Willy would do a kick stand deal and would cause me to feel discomfort.
Six hours later I woke up.
“Top of the morning to you,” my penis said to me.
“I guess it worked.” I thought to myself.
“So … what are we gonna do today? I don’t know about you but I’m feelin absolutely energized,” it seemed to say to me as I was getting dress for work.
“Watch out for the zipper.” It reminded me.
But guess what?
30 minutes later I was pullin’ into work and as soon as I passed the guard shack my hard on disappeared. The irony of the situation was not lost on me.
Until the next round,
The Drunken Bastard